Unfriended at 46.

So for starters, I totally know how childish that sounds trust me.  I also know that my very emotional reaction to finding out I’de been unfriended recently may have been a “little over the top”, but it hurt.

Like really hurt.

Especially because it was from my former BFF.

(or so we joked)

Any girl can relate to this quote right ???…..

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I totally believe this and can happily say that I do have some friends who fit this quote to a TEE.

I can also relate this to my sisters and family, as we are all scattered throughout Massachusetts.

As a forty-six-year-old-woman I consider myself beyond blessed to have some amazing people and friends in my life.  As a forty-six-year-old-woman I also considered myself excused from worrying about social media “un-friending”.

Yes, some friends have come and gone over the years but the true friends will always remain no matter how often we see or even speak to one another.

Life is busy.  We attend school, work, get married, have children, work, become a stay-at-home Mom, work, carpool, volunteer, activities, etc, etc.

Our priorities get shifted and “family-time” often replaces, and certainly changes “girl-friend time”.

Balancing it all can be challenging but we do the best we can.

Over the past few months, I have had some very hard times with a very close friend.

Close as in she was the friend I saw every weekend (often times more), texted just about daily and spoke to several times a week.

My friend and her fiancée were friends of both myself and my husband Michael.  The four of us met about 6 years ago and we instantly hit it off.

We enjoyed dozens of evenings together eating take-out sushi, sipping cocktails, talking, listen to music, singing and laughing.

We laughed A LOT.

We had inside jokes and were comfortable giving each other the occasional playful jab, as they were always in fun.

We also vacationed together, enjoy summers on our boats, barbecues, holidays, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, wedding renewals and just about any other excuse to get together.

It was wonderful to have such close friends and Michael and I felt very blessed.

Very often we would get a text “come for dinner tonight” and we would and vise versa.

We felt comfortable stopping by unannounced and at ease not always having to “bring something” when we visited each another.

Our kids were also close friends, making our get-togethers happy, easy and comfortable for all.

We had SO many fun times, many laughs and late nights by the fire pit which often times turned into an impromptu dance party.

Over the years that we hung out, my friend and I would express to each other how lucky we both felt to have each other and that our guys also got along so well.  How “easy” it always was being together and we were beyond grateful there was NO drama.

I never felt I had to impress.  Yes, I can be scattered and disorganized at times putting a project before folding laundry or tackling the sink full of dishes. My friend is the opposite.  She is neat and organized and her home always reflected that.  She accepted me for me and I accepted her for her.

So things change, people change, seasons change, but I never thought we would ever NOT be friends.

Ever.

I won’t go into details about what exactly went wrong because I suppose it’s several things that built up over time.

Some things left unsaid, which caused resentment.  Other things said that may have caused pain.

Things were misconstrued, taken out of context and perhaps misinterpreted.

The majority via texts and/or emails.

Layers and layers of hurtful words and angry feelings.

Despite our issues, I was very optimistic that we would resolve things and move on, because isn’t that what friends do ?!?

Adults non-the -less ?!?

Every relationship, especially the ones where you’ve let people SO completely into your lives must have bumps in the road right ?!?   And, if a bond is strong enough, the people important enough, don’t you talk about it, mend things, forgive and move on ?!?

Well, that didn’t happen.

I can’t speak for my husband, but once I knew that this chapter of my/our life was closed and our friends were no longer friends, it hurt.

It felt so much like that crappy, emotional high school break-up.  Even worse, the break-up you got from a friend of the boyfriend because he was too damn chicken to do it himself.

Our 6-year friendship basically ended with a text.

It sucked.

I felt heart-broken.

Discarded.

Betrayed.

I felt like I had failed as a friend.  I became insecure and believed I would be judged by my family and other friends for losing such a close friend, two friends actually.

I cried A LOT and had many sleepless nights trying to piece it all together.

I questioned myself and reflected back on how I could’ve been a better person, a better friend.   What could I have done to avoid this ??

I worried about my family, my husband, and our children as these friends weren’t just a part of my life, they were a huge part of their lives as well.    And I certainly didn’t want to teach my children that it’s okay to just completely cut people out of your life, especially people who were essentially a part of our family. 

But the damage was already done and no matter how much I worried and rehashed things in my mind, it was over.

Done.

I needed to do something.  I hated feeling the way I did and felt helpless to change it.

Believe me, as much as I wanted to toss ALL of gifts she had ever given me onto her front yard, I knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.  Ugh…I had to pull up my big girl panties and act like an adult.

(  Okay so if I’m being completely honest, I very much enjoyed imagining that scenario over and over again in my mind.  That helped.  )

For the record, I’m not one of those women who enjoys drama or confrontation.  I actually HATE it.  Dread it.  Run from it.

I am a genuinely happy, positive person and I pride myself on my ability to see good in just about anyone and/or any situation, but I was really struggling to find good in this crappy situation and it was really bringing me down.  I needed something to change.

I really had to try and change my focus.

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I had to start letting go.

And accepting that what I thought would never change, did in fact change

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I felt better.

Lighter.

I smiled more.  And hurt less.

My heart was healing I suppose.

My husband and I talked things through A LOT.   He was also hurting and we equally needed each other for support.

 Exercise and yoga were a crucial aide in the process.

As was meditation and prayer.

LOTS of prayer.

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Today I feel stronger and on the mend.

My heart is still a bit scarred, but the moments of feeling down are few and far between.

Happiness is a choice.  It’s my choice.

I choose Happy for ME, for my husband and for our children.

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I’ve learned a lot about myself throughout this process, and maybe even gained some wisdom along the way.

My children may need my help through a difficult relationship someday and I pray that through my experiences and my mistakes I will be able to guide them and let them know that they will smile again.

While I don’t claim to “know it all”, I do know this about myself.   I am a good friend.   I am trustworthy and dependable.  I love to be happy, smile and laugh, but I will always be here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.  I forgive easily and I’m not afraid to ask for forgiveness.  I may not be enough for everyone, but I’m enough for someone.  Maybe I don’t make enough time for girlfriend time but that doesn’t mean I am any less of a friend. Those are my choices to make.   My kids and family always come first, but if you ever need me I will most certainly be there.   Couple friends, work friends, gym friends, church friends; one doesn’t outweigh the other….you are still my friend.  

So, do I regret opening my heart and home to my friend and her family?

Absolutely not.

 We had a ton of good times and I have hundreds of photos and a heart-filled with great memories to prove that.

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But maybe letting our friends so completely into our family was a BIG part of why things turned out the way they did.  Who knows ???

Life is always teaching us lessons.  Young or old, we all have so much to learn, I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN.

With the good stuff also comes some bad but I suppose it’s how we react and behave and grow, especially through the bad times that mold us into decent, stronger, more grounded human beings.

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I’ve made my share of mistakes in life, and I’m sure I’ll make hundreds more.  I many not handle every situation exactly like I should, but I’m human and I can only try my best.

That’s all anyone can do.

If our best isn’t good enough for someone, that’s okay.

Some people may want more from you than you can give them, and that’s okay.  Be honest and tell them.

If they don’t understand there is no need to apologize.

They may run.

Don’t run after them.

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I’ve got so much to be grateful for in my life; my husband, my three children, my parents, sisters, family and wonderful friends.

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I am a happy person and for a while I was too preoccupied with all that was weighing on my mind and my heart to be that person.

That’s all gone.

Life is short.  God, it’s so short.  Too short to spend it anything less than happy and at peace.

Throughout this difficult time with my friend, with all of the hurt and heartache it has caused I’ve realized something.

My friend actually gave me one final gift.

Not sure she meant it to be a gift but indeed, it was a wonderful gift.

She unfriended me.

And I had closure.

~ story over ~

~~~~~

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2 thoughts on “Unfriended at 46.

  1. I am sorry this happened to you and your family and am glad that you can finally move forward☺️ Unfortunately I went through almost the same exact thing. It happened to us about 6yrs ago. We had been friends for 10yrs!!! I do often think of them and I can say today we may touch base about once a yr if that but it is not the same and never will be. I too am grateful for the time we all spent together. I have to say, looking at our lives now they are very different and I feel that is one of the reasons why our friendship ended 6yrs ago. Life goes on and I do believe people come in and out of our lives for a reason. We may not know why but that is “life”

    1. Thank you Felicia. Funny, as I look back I also feel like my friend and I didn’t have as much in common as I believed we did. Our lives are VERY different and I didn’t really realize that until this all went down. I think you may be right. I am so sorry you had to go through that it’s not easy. Hope you found happiness and I truly believe that about people coming into and exiting our lives for a reason. <3

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